I consider myself a pretty well-adjusted person...mainly because I've become more aware of myself, my triggers, my flaws, & my value as a person. Don't get me wrong, I have more persistent anxiety than ever before, maybe on par or even more than when I was a middle schooler (literally the worst years of most peoples' lives amirite). BUT the good thing is I'm slowly learning how to be OK with it, because the big big plus side is that I have a little more perspective and awareness to help me manage it. My thirteen year old self would've definitely loved to have had some better self-care practices up her sleeve.
I can talk myself down much better, be a more supportive friend to myself, make myself a snack, throw on a goopy soothing face mask, reason with myself, and remind myself that my thoughts are just thoughts, and not necessarily the truth. Hopefully I'll overcome this present annoying state of overthinking and worry beyond where I am now...really live in the present... not criticize myself so thoroughly and automatically when things aren't just right in my eyes. I think I'll get there. I have high hopes.
It took me awhile to write my first blog entry here. I used to blog so much as a teenager and in my early 20's. I was so much more open with my experiences, and more vulnerable in a lot of ways. Hosting my podcast has been a huge outlet for me and it makes my heart soar when I learn how much of an impact my thinking out loud with friends has impacted others as well. It keeps me going, it keeps me wondering how we can grow more.
I find myself shrinking into the shadows every so often like so many other humans do. Some days I compare myself excessively to highlight reels on IG, I laugh and envy the amazingly bold unadulterated creativity on TikTok, I watch friends raise families and make career advances, all the while shrinking shrinking shrinking smaller and smaller, telling myself how much I haven't done much or anything meaningful in comparison. It's like the most cliche, trite, woe-is-me destructive habit to ruminate about here on this blog, but it's the truth. And the point of blogging again was to allow myself to think out loud in this format again.
It's like riding a bike again. I'm wobbly and awkward, but glad to be back. 2020 was a brutal teacher and a rude awakening that a lot of us might've needed. Luckily, I'm no stranger to tough love, so in retrospect I appreciate it all. Truly. :)
Sending you all love. Big hugs. And a pinch for your nose. Keep on keeping on. You've got this.
love, minji
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